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| Work has been great so far.. Catching up on the reports, as well as trainings. Cos I'm leaving to Melbourne this Saturday for Training and will be there a month.... From 29/8 - 26/9.. Feel free to find me though if any of you happen to drop by.  New colleague is very nice too, my senior aka "Si mou" , who taught me alot, baked some cup cakes for me as my 21st birthday before I leave, which is her first time doing that.. The taste was GREATTTT. Awwwww sweet ain't she? hehe :) I actually quite like the working environment here and my new work colleagues compared to the previous one. Nicholas came over yesterday and he bought me my favourite chicken rice near the Shell station, together with my favourite dessert "Leng Chee Kang" and fruits as well as Jelly. Yesterday I had the most food for lunch and it was too much that I had to finish the cupcakes last. And when "si mou" saw that, she was making fun of me saying that I ate her food last, but i got that first.... Zakie, my big brother in Perth is being very nice that he asked me to spend my birthday weekend there with him and of course his love, and he's more than willing to pay half of the air ticket.. So sweet of him.. But on the other hand..I was hoping that he will turn up on my birthday weekend which is impossible cos I just asked him online.. :( Sad to say that each time I chat with him, I tend to feel awkward...He said he might fall for me if i wasn't behaving like how I did when I was in Singapore, and he said that he couldn't imagine that I can even show faces in front of his mum and on his birthday... Sad to say that I knew he will never fall for me and he's just saying things that he don't mean it from time to time. I used to think how stupid his exs all to believe what he says, but at the end of the day, I myself tend to believe what he says. He will never say things that he really want to say or wish to say, cos he always wants to look good in everyone's eyes. So guess this time I'l not fall for it and believe that he might fall for me. Too many mind games he played with me... Perhaps if he really loves me, he would at least try to make it for my birthday to prove it..but guess that will never happen.. I just gotta move on.. On the other hand, I was sooo happy that Cedric actually made the effort to call from France and tell me that he's coming on Nov.. even though its just a few minutes calls, but its all the way from Europe..I remember I used to get calls from someone too when he's in overseas, but not now..I'm not that important anymore I guess.. I've met a couple of people online and there this sweet guy from NYC and he is more than willing to bring me over to celebrate christmas with him :))
Yea, anyway I gtg for now.. Hafta head home and continue packing! ADioz for now! Chao! :)) | | |
| Work is great so far.. No complains should be done I guess.. Nice colleagues, nice working environment, and most of all, I don't have an irritating old Bitch to scold me from time to time..I was on MSN at work just now and I chat with him.Yea I said I blocked him previously buden less than 12 hours I added him back..
Childish I know...
I was waiting for him to come on9 becus I wanted to know his opinion.... So I didn't sign the bond yet till just now.....
I was happy to find out that he was disappointed with the decision I made to come home and excited knowing that he wants me to stay with him... But....He told me that one day when he get marry, which he plans to, the person walking down the aisle will never be me... Guess that is the fact.. The fact that loving him will bring me to no where, I decided to move on and sign the bond..I guess this is the best choice for me and for him..
So I'l be spending my 21st birthday in Melbourne..all by myself..I guess I just need to be alone for now..and of course be tough.. and stop crying for people who will never cry over you. And yes that is what i am going to do.. Move on....
Guess I just have to focus more on my job now and earn more.. and for now, I only pray hard that my love for him will stop and maybe some day, he will regret for doing this to me..or maybe he will never, cos i'm just nothing but a bestie to him...
At time, he is very selfish.. No one will ever understand how i feel...Loving someone, staying beside him, sharing the same house, same room , same bed and same pillow at times, but u never once a special person to him, how would u feel? He said i should feel great... When I need to beg for a hug or a kiss from the person whom u love most.. And you know the answer you will get is always a BIG NO.. And you need to beg for him to show you some affection... And that is how you claim you love that person?? you only know how to give me money all the time..that is the only way of you showing affection to me.. I can even get money from other guys easily..Its not about the money that I want from him, but he will never understand..
Nvm..Guess the day he understand is the day i am no longer beside him.....
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| Finally I've decided to sign the contract with my new company which is a one year bond contract. They passed me the contract on the first day of work itself and I didn't have much time to consider bout it. So I've decided to sign and forget everything bout Singapore...Okay larr haven sign yet but about to sign already... Hurm anyway happy notes is that Tim, Nic and Jon is down here till 19th.. So guess this weekend will be out for parties with the boys bahz.. : ))
Still deciding whether to sign or not to sign the bond.. I think I should... :( I miss him badly.....  I miss u darling... arrghh I now pray hard that he will exchange or get a flight to Melbourne next mth during my 21st birthday, and I guess spending a special nite there with him would be the best gift ever... Guess i don't need an LV bg afterall.. :) | | |
| Yes, my title says it all... I have decided to cut contact with him.. I can no longer bear the feelings of loving him with every beat of my heart.. I know it's going to be tough but I have too... It has been two years.. Two years of love for him... Not that long but not that short too, but i've decided to move on.. whether I can or not, I am trying to... I told him i am cutting contact with him, and he said sure. Guess he wanted me to say this all the time...
I've deleted and blocked him in MSN, Facebook, and everything I could.. I am goin to change my number soon..and stop seeing him... until I can truly let go off him.....I have no choice... but to do this... he might hate me, but i guess no one can ever understand to fall in love with a guy who can never love u the way you want him to.....
Undeniable I really miss him soo much that I tears while driving to pick my aunt up...So much I have to stop aside and sob... I knew the day I left the new house, I have decided to get rid of him... That is why I hate love..I never like love.. now getting rid of it is the worst part... Why must this happen to me.. Why must I fall in love with him, at times I wonder why must I met him... If only I didn't, then I wouldn't have a friend who come and pick me up when I have swallon eyes, a friend who will bring me for a short vacation, a friend who gives me surprise party on my birthday, a friend who surprise me with my favourite chocolate, a friend who brings me out every night when I wasn't working, a friend who brings me nice places when I am upset, a friend who bring me out for movie and massage when I am stress about work, a friend who supported me financially when I am having financial difficulties in Singapore, a friend who spend valentines day with me, a friend who gives me a love bite on my cheek, a friend who feed me with water when he knew I didn't drink much water, a friend who call his friend to save me when I committed suicide.. If only I didnt knew him, or if only he didn't do all this, I wouldn't have fallen for him... So deep that I can never let go off everything...
I wish and pray hard I die tomorrow...... In that way, I don't have to stop loving him, and I don't have to love him anymore....
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| Finally I've decided to come home..after such a long decision of staying in Singapore with him.. And lastly I've decided to head home.. Today is the first day i woke up seeing my dog beside me sleeping like pig instead of him... Sigh.. Happy in a way because my dog will kiss me which he never will....
Anyway i have to get used to the situation where I can't get to send him off for flights anymore... I miss it alot tho...haih... I'm going to start work tomorrow at some australian base company and I have no idea whether I will get used to it because they are sending me to Australia for a month and I guess i'm celebrating my 21st birthday there? I'm not too sure myself too.. What I know is I miss him badly and the decision to come home is a total wrong path to go..
But I chose to, he didn't forced me. At times I wonder, will he miss me? will he miss my silly face? my stupid smelly breathe when I wake up beside him, and every single thing i do for him.. I wonder will he miss every moment he spent with me? Maybe in a way he will but not as much as me I guess..
I miss his singing, the way he played his guitar, the way he nagged me, advice me and every single thing about him...
I miss stayin in Singapore because I want to live with him all the time and when my wish came true, unfortunately I decided to come home.. Besides that, I get to know a Japanese guy which likes me alot and he decided to bring me to Japan next mth to celebrate my birthday, but i decided to let go to because of my new job. I don't know whether is it going to worth that much to give up stayin with him and going to Japan but I really hope it's worth it..
I went out with Aina just now, and we took some pictures, somehow all the pictures appear to be sad ones. My eyes are crying...But I am not....Is just the pictures all seems to show that I am very sad..I myself don't know why.. Not to say very sad, but maybe cos deep in my heart, i am sad, so it shows all in my face..hurm...
Anyway as I promised, I've cleaned his room, unpack all his stuff and when he's home, he dislike everything about it.. ishhh.. especially the pink bed sheet.. That ugly mehhh?anyway a glimpse on his new room : )
Before....
 
And after....
 
The pink bed sheet..that ugly mehh?? okay it looks very girly thats all.. : )
 
Forgotten to bring home my lady bird.... His SK-II collection...
 
He doesn't like hanging his clothes..
There u go.. I did what I tell myself.....Ok I'm going out with Aina now..will continues when i'm home.. I am missing him badly... | | |
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